Insight #5 - Detachment vs. Not Caring!

There is a widely popular take on Detachment which correlates detachment with NOT CARING.

I disagree.

Detachment and NOT CARING are two very different things.

Detachment is the ability to detach from the EMOTIONAL connection to some thing, some quality, some event or some person.

It is one of those new age YOGI catch words, that has become synonymous with enlightenment and evolving into a higher being.

Let’s not go there.


To this very unenlightened yet grounded Yogi, Detachment is my ability to comprehend that the emotion I am experiencing is from the past and being triggered by a present event.

Now, I have talked about this before, but the ability to perceive an emotion as NOT being derived from the present moment is such an important principle to feeling happy on a daily basis.  When you can detach yourself from a “past” emotion, you can show up fully in the present moment, and the present moment is really nice.  

Recently, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine.  It was a question of perception.  I perceive something one way and she perceived it another way.  She became mad that I was not in alignment with her so she hung up the phone and refuse to answer the phone when I called back.

Immediately, I felt rejected, I felt hurt and I felt like I needed to get her approval in order to feel good again.  And instantly I knew I was being propelled into a past emotion.

Someone simply hung up on me and disapproved of me.  Does this mean I have to feel rejected and seek her approval in order to feel good again? No.  She rejected my opinion, my perspective.  She had a different opinion, a different perspective and she was trying to prove that she was right.  By hanging up, she had the last word, and in the “Animal Status” world, she won.

But the “Animal Status” world is not my world.  

So I noticed my old feelings and got curious.  Wow, what is this?  Why should I FEEL rejected if someone doesn’t agree and hangs up on me?  That is just programed in from years back.  Could it be possible not to feel rejected?  The truth of the matter is she rejected my ideas, my perspective etc. etc. but that doesn’t mean that I have to feel rejected.   My perspective is my perspective and valid. We simply had a difference of opinion and she acted out.

So I sat with it.  I could feel the need for approval, and then, I could pull away from it.  The need for approval and then, the pull away from it.  And then, it was virtually gone. 

I named it, got curious and felt it.  And it was gone.  And I didn’t act out.  Love it!

We talked later and embraced our differences.


Did I NOT CARE about my friend?  Absolutely not.  I love her with all my heart. 

But I was able to DETACH from my childhood feelings, and actually have a nice morning.  I didn’t feel the DRAMA (for long) and I was able to show up later sans old feelings and communicate effectively.  

And now somehow, we are actually closer.

Cool.  I didn’t change her or her perceptions.  I just didn’t buy into my automatically triggered emotional responses.


My ability to do this so readily stems from my experience with The People in my Hips.

I felt so much old old bad nasty horrible stuff from my past flying out of my hips that now I have a clear distinction between the present moment and past emotion manifesting in the present moment.   As I said before, my PEEPS journey was a gift, but you can now open my present for my distinctions can easily be learned.  You don’t have to channel out of your hips every heinous nasty event from the past in order to show up in the present.  You just need to stop when “curious” emotions arise, let yourself feel, and then challenge them, and let them go, remembering to have fun in the process.

Having the ability to NOT FIGHT or FEEL BAD when emotional triggers are pushed is NIRVANA.

Hey, I may not be Enlightened, but Gosh Darn it, I am happy.



Ken WolfComment