The Tale #33 - New Year's Reckoning

I have always loved the week between Christmas and New Years. I'm always off. The prelude to Christmas is over and it is a great time to meet friends and have some fun.

Christmas week 2003, was so not fun.

After my Christmas eve family-let’s-bring-up-the-old-stuff-car-BOUNCEFEST I was not in a good way. I awoke on Christmas morning tight as a drum and feeling melancholy.

Why can’t I get this craziness OUT of my body? And ultimately, WHY is this happening to me? Why? What is the big picture here? Why am I cursed with THE PEOPLE IN MY HIPS?

One of the things I have learned in my OH TOO MANY odd years of hanging out on this planet is that if you ask a stupid question you will get a stupid answer. Why am I cursed with THE PEOPLE IN MY HIPS? Who said it was a curse? Now, six years later, to be honest, it was a blessing. As I have mentioned all too many times in this blog, I have transformed because of this experience. I am really happy 90% of the time. That’s a good percentage. I like it. 90% is cool. Before The People in my Hips I think my percentage was about 50% - I tortured myself with all of these silly things outside of myself. “Why aren’t I this and Why aren’t I that?” But after I had to deal with a TON of wild and crazy stuff inside, the outside stuff is just plain silly most of the time. But 6 years ago, I WAS TORTURED, rightfully so. I had PEOPLE popping out of my hips.

The Monday night after Christmas, I was invited by my friend Danielle to a little Holiday Soiree in the city. I needed a drink and I needed to get out bad, out in the world and out of my body. I took the train into Manhattan and walked up to a little bar off Park Avenue in the low 50’s called I believe THE RED LOUNGE. It was a really fun little bar located next to some big hotel, and the bar was entirely decorated in red - red banquets, elegant red velvet curtains, and red tables. It was perfect. It was like a cheesy speakeasy from the 1920’s.

When I arrived, Daniele and her party pals had not arrived yet, so I sat at the bar and ordered a glass of red (of course.) I was a little nervous for this was the first time since THE PEEPS that I was socializing. Part of me hoped that the alcohol and the partying would actually be good for me.

The wine tasted great. Like an old friend, relaxed, easy to be with, familiar.

Oh god, I want all this hip stuff to GO AWAY.

Danielle arrived about 15 minutes later. She was a gorgeous African American woman, about 5’4”, with an amazing body. When she walked into a room, heads turned. She sat at the bar, and I bought her a drink.

“Oh Ken, it is so good to see you.” she sighed. “You know, you are one of my closest and most special friends. I hope you know that. I hope you know how amazing you are.

“Thank you. Same back to you.” I replied with a smile.

“So how have you been? What is going on? It has been a long time. I have had such problems with Men, or should I say “Little boys”. I have given up my "little boys" for the New Year until they can learn how to serve their Goddess.”

“Good for you!” I smiled. “I wish I could give up my little boy.” (Wink Wink to Baby Ken.)

“No, you are a true man. You speak it like it is. That is what I love about you. I can always talk with you." She moved in seductively. “I need to be with a True man.”

My mind raced. Danielle and I had dated briefly years ago and she was an amazing woman, and the thought of possible hooking up with her again even for just one night was quite exciting…. But what about the PEEPS?

I smiled. “Danielle, you are the greatest.”

“You too, Ken.” There was a long, oh so almost pregnant pause.


A scream from the doorway. It was Carrie, one of Danielle’s party guests. A tall, wirey African American woman with a short almost boyish afro.

“Carrie! So good to see you, girlfriend!”

They exchanged niceties, introduced me and then we moved to one of the banqueted areas with the larger tables.

Moments later, the guests arrived.

And what a gathering it was! We drank and laughed, and Danielle flirted with me again and again by calling me “the one true man left on the face of this planet.” I was getting very tipsy and very interested.

Ken, what about Baby Ken?

Stop it! It is time to have fun.

So you want to bring in Danielle now and make this a threesome?

Shut up!

Be careful. Baby Ken is near.

Get the hell out of here. Now. Get out! I want my life back and tonight I am going to have fun! It has been way too long.

Watch out!



Post Yuletide merriment.

Fun, at last.

It was 12:45 a.m. The party was shifting. Some friends were heading home, others were going elsewhere. Danielle sat cuddled up by my side on the banquet.

“Wanna go somewhere fun?” she whispered.

“Sure. I would love to.” My left hip quivered.

“Where would you like to go?” she smiled.

“Anywhere you want to go.” my left leg shook under the table.

“Ok, let’s call a cab.” She got up and took my hand… and as I tried to stand….


“AHHHHHHH!” It hurt even thru the alcohol.

“Are you alright?” Danielle screamed.

“Yes, Yes, I am fine.” I went to get up again and I screamed.

Oh Fuck Fuck Fuck. The People in my Hips no not now please not now I wanna have some fun I wanna have some fun.

“I gotta sit for a while. It is my hip. It is uh in a spasm.”

My head started to shake lightly side to side – I was scared and I had no idea what I was scared of. It wasn’t Danielle. It was safe there. It was that old thing....

that God Damn Fucking old thing arising out of the ASHES of my PAST to RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!

I started to get nauseous. I looked at the clock. It was almost 1 a.m. I could make a 1:30 a.m. train back to Goldens Bridge. To my safe little cabin in the woods where I could cry and cry and cry and cry and sit in a hot tub until the pain subsided. Until The PEEPS went away – back into the box of my subconscious, where I can lock them away for another day or two or hopefully more…. Oh please. I want to have some fun.


We hobbled out to the street. It was icy cold. We kissed goodbye.

“You will be fine, Ken. You are the last true man. You will be fine.”

“I am sure I will, Danielle. You are the best. Let’s do lunch sometime.”

And I got in the cab and drove away.


It was time.

The New Year.

This could not go on...

I needed to get some help.

Ken WolfComment